Making Love and Orgasm During Sex
Women's Orgasm - The Possibility Of Multiple Orgasm
The whole idea of women being able to achieve multiple orgasms has become, as one of Shere Hire's interviewees put it in the 1970s, a "competitive" matter, a kind of "Orgasmic Olympics." As a result many women have begun to see themselves as sexual underachievers.
And the question of whether a woman can achieve multiple orgasms during sex in one session has been almost as contentious as the debate about the clitoral versus the vaginal orgasm.
Kinsey found that 14 percent of the women in his study reported having multiple orgasms.
Other writers have expressed uncertainty as to the truth of the reports of female subjects who claim to have multiple orgasms.
Instead, they have suggested that their experiences were, as one sexologist put it, "nonterminative" minor climaxes rather than complete orgasms during intercourse.
Masters and Johnson, however, established beyond doubt that many women are capable of the experience and they actually observed multiple orgasms, and measured the accompanying physiological spasms and contractions.
"If a female who is capable of having orgasm regularly is properly stimulated within a short period after her first climax, she will in most instances be capable of having a second, third, fourth and even fifth or sixth orgasm before she is fully satiated. In contrast with the male's usual inability to have more than one orgasm in a short period, many females, especially when clitorally stimulated, can regularly have five or six full orgasms within a matter of a few minutes."
Masters and Johnson also found that the orgasms did not diminish in intensity - on the contrary many of the reports proved that the orgasms after the first or second often increased in intensity.
But many women are not aware that they have this potential. Among those who do, there are also some women who are reticent and reluctant to seek more than one orgasm, even if they need it, after their partner has had his.
According to Shere Hite. there often seemed to be an unconscious rejection of the possibility of having more than one orgasm. The following quotations from The Hite Report illustrate this point:
Hite makes a distinction between the multiple orgasm and the sequential orgasm, and writes: "Multiple orgasms, which are much rarer, are several orgasms with no break in-between. Sequential orgasms can be continued indefinitely ... but you must wait a few minutes after each orgasm, until you feel the return of the focus of sensation."
The differences between the types of orgasm different women experience seems to account for the statements made by some women that after the first orgasm they can have as many as five or six following. But others said they could not have more than one orgasm in sex as their clitoral area became too sensitive to touch. Or again that one deep orgasm was satisfying enough.
So from all the facts we must conclude that although many women are physiologically capable of multiple orgasm, and some clearly enjoy the experience, many find that emotionally and psychologically one is enough, and others that the sensitivity of the clitoris after one prevents them being stimulated into having further orgasms.
The Importance of Orgasm
How important is it for a woman to experience orgasm?
Well, we believe it cannot be emphasized too often that orgasm cannot be taken as the sole criterion for determining the degree of satisfaction which a woman may derive from sexual activity.
Although many married/partnered women never respond during sexual intercourse to the point of orgasm, their relationships remain happy because of the woman's satisfaction in not only being able to give pleasure to her husband but also in the social and emotional security of relationship and family life.
Plus, of course, there are plenty more way to get orgasm...the point, however is that many women do not care if they don't orgasm during sex, but get satisfaction from sex as an emotionally fulfilling act.
But this is only part of the truth. Clinical data confirm that the persistent failure of a woman to reach orgasm can seriously damage her relationship. You see, women wish to experience lovemaking with their partner for many reasons - including the fact that mutual bonding is an essential element of sex.
And for women, the feeling of love is what initiates the desire to have sex in the first place. So, in other words, sex and love go together for a woman, whereas for a man, this may not necessarily be true - even though many men find their feelings of love through having sex.
All this isn't simple. But we can say that - as a generality - women tend to be more in their "loving feelings" than men. And they are motivated more by love than men. Look at why men and women join dating services! It turns out women look for love, and men look for sex (mostly!) If you're a woman and your need for love is not being satisfied, then you might want to look at some of the websites devoted to dating, finding love and getting into a relationship. There is even advice for women who want to make a man love them. According to the internet, there is a solution for every problem.
No surprise, then, that you can get advice for women who wish to make a man love them. Whether this advice works or not is another matter. Often women become disappointed because of their inability to achieve what they believe should be easy. And this disappointment develops into a feeling of inadequacy or inferiority which reflects on all other aspect of a woman's life, and her relationships with men, and indeed with men in general where there is any sexual element implied.
But What Really Satisfies A Woman Is Orgasm In A Loving Relationship
From the man's point of view, this can lead to his developing a feeling of inferiority which will result in friction and discord. So, even if orgasm is not the sole criterion of satisfaction for a woman, it is very important, both for her personally and for her relationship. To illustrate this point, here are some descriptions culled from The Hite Report:
As Alexander Lowen writes in Love and Orgasm: "The great importance of the sexual function for human happiness requires that it be studied in terms of its emotional significance and not as a mechanical or psychological act of release or discharge."
Many modern writers on sex give the impression that the orgasm is a treasure that lovers should earnestly seek, a kind of trophy they can win, or a gift they can confer.
And yet perhaps it should be regarded rather as something that happens in the context of human loving, and to be enjoyed when it does happen. If it does not always happen, or does not always happen for both partners simultaneously, it is not a problem.
Updated: January 18 2019