Making Love and Orgasm During Sex

Women's Orgasm - The Possibility Of Multiple Orgasm

The whole idea of women being able to achieve multiple orgasms has become, as one of Shere Hire's interviewees put it in the 1970s, a "competitive" matter, a kind of "Orgasmic Olympics." As a result many women have begun to see themselves as sexual underachievers.

woman self-pleasuringAnd the question of whether a woman can achieve multiple orgasms during sex in one session has been almost as contentious as the debate about the clitoral versus the vaginal orgasm.

Kinsey found that 14 percent of the women in his study reported having multiple orgasms.

Other writers have expressed uncertainty as to the truth of the reports of female subjects who claim to have multiple orgasms.

Instead, they have suggested that their experiences were, as one sexologist put it, "nonterminative" minor climaxes rather than complete orgasms during intercourse.

Masters and Johnson, however, established beyond doubt that many women are capable of the experience and they actually observed multiple orgasms, and measured the accompanying physiological spasms and contractions.

They wrote:

"If a female who is capable of having orgasm regularly is properly stimulated within a short period after her first climax, she will in most instances be capable of having a second, third, fourth and even fifth or sixth orgasm before she is fully satiated. In contrast with the male's usual inability to have more than one orgasm in a short period, many females, especially when clitorally stimulated, can regularly have five or six full orgasms within a matter of a few minutes."

Masters and Johnson also found that the orgasms did not diminish in intensity - on the contrary many of the reports proved that the orgasms after the first or second often increased in intensity.

But many women are not aware that they have this potential. Among those who do, there are also some women who are reticent and reluctant to seek more than one orgasm, even if they need it, after their partner has had his.

According to Shere Hite. there often seemed to be an unconscious rejection of the possibility of having more than one orgasm. The following quotations from The Hite Report illustrate this point:

  • "It's hard for me to indicate that I want more than one orgasm."
  • "I've never felt that I couldn't come again with pleasure, but am hesitant to pursue it."
  • "I think I could have several if he used his tongue, but I don't like to make him stay down there that long."
  • "On the rare occasions in the past when I came with my partner, two or three was not enough but I couldn't admit to the man I wanted more."
  • "With men I never have more than one. I have the feeling ... they aren't really interested in your capacity for many orgasms."
Some women are confused about what exactly constitutes multiple orgasms:
  • "I'm not sure whether I have one long orgasm during sex or several shorter ones."
  • "My orgasms are usually so prolonged that I wonder if they may represent multiple orgasm."
  • "I don't know how many orgasms during sex I'm capable of."

Hite makes a distinction between the multiple orgasm and the sequential orgasm, and writes: "Multiple orgasms, which are much rarer, are several orgasms with no break in-between. Sequential orgasms can be continued indefinitely ... but you must wait a few minutes after each orgasm, until you feel the return of the focus of sensation."

The differences between the types of orgasm different women experience seems to account for the statements made by some women that after the first orgasm they can have as many as five or six following. But others said they could not have more than one orgasm in sex as their clitoral area became too sensitive to touch. Or again that one deep orgasm was satisfying enough.

So from all the facts we must conclude that although many women are physiologically capable of multiple orgasm, and some clearly enjoy the experience, many find that emotionally and psychologically one is enough, and others that the sensitivity of the clitoris after one prevents them being stimulated into having further orgasms.

The Importance of Orgasm

How important is it for a woman to experience orgasm?

Well, we believe it cannot be emphasized too often that orgasm cannot be taken as the sole criterion for determining the degree of satisfaction which a woman may derive from sexual activity.

 Although many married/partnered women never respond during sexual intercourse to the point of orgasm, their relationships remain happy because of the woman's satisfaction in not only being able to give pleasure to her husband but also in the social and emotional security of relationship and family life.

Plus, of course, there are plenty more way to get orgasm...the point, however is that many women do not care if they don't orgasm during sex, but get satisfaction from sex as an emotionally fulfilling act.

But this is only part of the truth. Clinical data confirm that the persistent failure of a woman to reach orgasm can seriously damage her relationship. You see, women wish to experience lovemaking with their partner for many reasons - including the fact that mutual bonding is an essential element of sex.

And for women, the feeling of love is what initiates the desire to have sex in the first place. So, in other words, sex and love go together for a woman, whereas for a man, this may not necessarily be true - even though many men find their feelings of love through having sex.

All this isn't simple. But we can say that - as a generality - women tend to be more in their "loving feelings" than men. And they are motivated more by love than men. Look at why men and women join dating services! It turns out women look for love, and men look for sex (mostly!) If you're a woman and your need for love is not being satisfied, then you might want to look at some of the websites devoted to dating, finding love and getting into a relationship. There is even advice for women who want to make a man love them. According to the internet, there is a solution for every problem.

No surprise, then, that you can get advice for women who wish to make a man love them. Whether this advice works or not is another matter. Often women become disappointed because of their inability to achieve what they believe should  be easy. And this disappointment develops into a feeling of inadequacy or inferiority which reflects on all other aspect of a woman's life, and her relationships with men, and indeed with men in general where there is any sexual element implied.

But What Really Satisfies A Woman Is Orgasm In  A Loving Relationship

From the man's point of view, this can lead to his developing a feeling of inferiority which will result in friction and discord. So, even if orgasm is not the sole criterion of satisfaction for a woman, it is very important, both for her personally and for her relationship. To illustrate this point, here are some descriptions culled from The Hite Report:

  • "Orgasm feels great! Like a combination of intense pleasurable sensations plus an ecstatic frenzy of love, energy and emotion all mixed together."
  • "Orgasms are a renewal of all my senses an awakening of life, spring, refreshing, sparkling, exciting, and the complete relief of everyday boredom."
  • "They make me feel incredibly happy, everything on the way to orgasm is heavenly. An orgasm cancels out all rage and longing for at least 48 hours."
  • "A marvelous happiness, comparable to no other. "
  • "Orgasm. The most fantastic sensation I've ever experienced."
  • "At best, an organ-moving cataclysm: my ovaries, uterus, breasts, and brain become one singing dark pulsating sea of the most exquisite feeling."
  • One woman said: "Whoever said that orgasm wasn't important for a woman was undoubtedly a man."
  • But it appears that the pressures of the sexual revolution have had some unfortunate repercussions. A lot of women feel that if they do not always have or demand full sexual satisfaction, they are somehow failures.
  • "Yes, I must have orgasm. Otherwise I feel I'm not a real person. . ."
  • "I would enjoy sex with no orgasm at times, if I felt other people weren't so uptight about it and if the reasons were my own."
  • "I'm afraid that new partners will think I'm weird and not as sexy as other women if I don't have orgasms."
  • "I wish orgasms didn't exist. Then maybe sex would be fun."
  • "I don't think orgasms are that important; the literature has given women another burden. But I'm ashamed to admit, because of the myth, I feel 'good' having an orgasm like I'm a real woman!"
  • On the other hand, not having an orgasm with a man is frustrating to a lot of women who feel cheated knowing he has had one.
  • "Without orgasm I feel robbed."
  • "Having sex without an orgasm makes me feel I was along for the ride, but why? (except when I'm really emotionally involved)."
This last statement in parenthesis brings us to what is surely the most important point of all - emotional involvement. So what about love?

As Alexander Lowen writes in Love and Orgasm: "The great importance of the sexual function for human happiness requires that it be studied in terms of its emotional significance and not as a mechanical or psychological act of release or discharge."

Many modern writers on sex give the impression that the orgasm is a treasure that lovers should earnestly seek, a kind of trophy they can win, or a gift they can confer.

And yet perhaps it should be regarded rather as something that happens in the context of human loving, and to be enjoyed when it does happen. If it does not always happen, or does not always happen for both partners simultaneously, it is not a problem.

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Updated January 10, 2021



Updated: January 10 2019