Stimulating A Woman To Orgasm
This is the experience of making love when the man and the woman reach a climax together, and it can be very powerful and sensual experience, particularly if it occurs during intercourse.
It's not exactly necessary to achieve simultaneous orgasm for a couple to have a satisfying sexual relationship, but it certainly adds spice and enjoyment. It certainly helps when a woman knows how to pleasure a man in bed.
But, like all sexual pleasure, struggling hard to achieve the objective can reduce both arousal and the chance in particular of the woman reaching orgasm.
The best way by far for a couple to overcome the difference in time between man and woman on the road to climax is for the man to stimulate the woman to orgasm first.
He can use either fingers or tongue to do this, but however he does it, he can give his partner a very satisfying and pleasurable orgasm.
The benefit of this approach to sex is that a woman is more receptive to intercourse after she has reached orgasm before it, partly because her vagina is swollen and well lubricated, and partly because she's emotionally receptive to her partner entering her.
It also avoids the difficulty that a man almost inevitably loses interest in sexual activity after he has ejaculated.
Nonetheless, if you're interested in the possibility of achieving simultaneous orgasm, it helps if you and your partner have a natural intimate understanding of each other's sexual signals and responses to stimulation: this means that each partner will know when the other needs more stimulation to to speed up their process to orgasm, or less stimulation to extend the period to orgasm.
It also helps if you have open communication – which in this case really does mean talking to each other, telling each other what you need to slow down or to speed up.
It's important to communicate these things tactfully and delicately, particularly in the case of the woman who may feel irritated if the man doesn't seem to be stimulating her in the way that she requires to reach orgasm most easily.
The resolution phase of orgasm is what we know as the afterglow: a beautiful state where people feel connected and relaxed, where the hormones flying round the brain make them want to bond.
If the man needs to sleep, the woman should respect this need, but the man can satisfy her need for intimacy and connection after sex by giving her a cuddle before falling asleep perhaps in the spoons position.
It certainly true that woman does remain sexually excited after climax for much longer than a man, and she may want the lovemaking to continue, in which case the man should respect this.
It's not inevitable that the man needs to fall asleep after orgasm, and in fact if he does so every time a couple make love, it's quite likely that his partner will come to interpret what he's doing as a sign that he's not interested in her or doesn't care about her.
Men need to be very sensitive to the fact that sex for a woman is all about giving herself to him, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well; it can potentially be a much more significant act for woman than it is for a man.
But like all things, if you are having difficulty with this aspect of sex then the answer is communication.
The clitoral v vaginal debate
Orgasms were spoken of as being preponderantly vaginal or clitoral. Further study has proved that stimulation is most frequently initiated in the highly sensitive clitoris, spreading and radiating from there to the vagina.
The heretofore rigid demarcation between clitoral and vaginal orgasm has disappeared, one process merging into the other and the internal mechanism of reflexes, local and cerebral discharges and ensuing orgasm being the same.
This is not to say that the sensations themselves may not differ from time to time in each case giving pleasure, a characteristically sexual pleasure.
Thus the woman has a potential range of permutations and variations in sexual pleasure which are not possible to the man; and that within each main group of genital stimulations, clitoral or vaginal, there are many possible semitones of pleasurable sensation.
Perfect and natural intercourse would give the woman a blend of both types of stimulation. Such a blend would involve supreme pleasure and probably very rapid orgasm. Technique is often difficult, however.
When the clitoris is set very high the woman must take an attitude which accentuates pelvic inclination, or both partners must adapt themselves.
The special contact may be made if the penis leaves the vagina completely and brushes and strokes the clitoris with the glans or tip of his penis. But there is the risk of missing the tiny target and breaking the current of sensation.
Finally there is the obvious method of combining vaginal friction by the penis with simultaneous clitoral friction by the finger. But in intercourse stimulation will generally be focused on and in the vagina.
For simultaneous orgasm or mutual orgasm the usual procedure is that the man's ejaculation begins and sets off the woman's orgasm. A harmonious and mutually adapted couple begin intercourse in a state of approximately equal sexual excitement.
From that moment the stimuli intensify and accumulate - owing to the characteristic thrusting movements - pretty much in unison, until the ultimate arousal threshold is crossed by the man, and he can no longer hold back his desire to ejaculate. At this point, his reflex of ejaculation begins, and his arousal pattern, and that of his partner begin to diverge.
From the moment that the accumulated stimuli release the mechanism of ejaculation - and thenceforth no effort of the will can stay it - and the seminal fluid is ejaculated, the man's sexual pleasure soars suddenly into the culmination of orgasm, while simultaneously his reflexes continue to produce powerful spasms which cannot be inhibited.
At the same time the combination of liquids forming the semen pours into the urethra from prostate and vasa deferentia until the supply is exhausted or the reflex at an end. The beginning of the male orgasm reflex - i.e. the impact of the first jet against the urethral walls - may give the signal for the orgasm and even intensify sexual excitement and the physicality of his orgasmic contractions.
But the real core of male orgasm and its summit occurs somewhat after its onset, when the motor-reflexes are in full force, and the stimuli the man receives are heightened by the responsive movements of the woman.
All too soom the force of the seminal jets suddenly drops, owing to the diminished supply of fluid. The reflex declines in force, and the ecstatic pleasure fades, slowly at first and then rapidly, till both are at an end.
Thus the normal orgasmic curve in the man is in the shape of a high and narrow arch, almost a peak, corresponding to the ejaculatory movements which consist, as a rule, or from five to seven muscular spasms, beginning powerfully, and then after a second or third intense movement, dying away, into a profoundly pleasant relaxation, unless new excitements supervene.
The erection subsides rather quickly, although for some time the penis may remain perceptibly larger than in its normal state. It depends very much on the individual, whether the penis is retained in the vagina for a while, or withdrawn immediately after ejaculation.
We may, however, observe that a needlessly abrupt conclusion of the act is to be avoided for the pleasure of all concerned!
The processes and sensations of the orgasm are much less easy to describe in the case of women than of men.
The physical mechanism is more complicated, and the processes have individual variations; so the woman's orgasm with all its bodily symptoms and emotional feelings may have been experienced several times before the man's ejaculation.
And sometimes, the man's ejaculation gives the signal for the woman's orgasm as well as his own. But this again may happen in two ways. The final reflex in the woman may receive its signal from her realization of the muscular contractions of the man's orgasm; or from the impact of his seminal fluid hitting her vaginal walls, or from the sheer excitement of knowing he is coming inside her.
But only women themselves can declare which stimulus promotes their own orgasm.
The women who decisively affirm that they only experience orgasm if and when they feel the impact of the seminal fluid are in a minority. Clearly, this is a crucial point for men who have premature ejaculation.
Without the stimulus of the jets of seminal fluid in the vagina at the right moment, a woman may not experience orgasm. So controlling premature ejaculation is crucial to some couples, if not all, who wish to experience simultaneous orgasm.
Updated: January 10 2019