Stimulating A Woman To Orgasm


Simultaneous orgasm

This is the experience of making love when the man and the woman reach a climax together, and it can be very powerful and sensual experience, particularly if it occurs during intercourse.

It's not exactly necessary to achieve simultaneous orgasm for a couple to have a satisfying sexual relationship, but it certainly adds spice and enjoyment. It certainly helps when a woman knows how to pleasure a man in bed.

couple enjoying simultaneous orgasm during lovemakingBut, like all sexual pleasure, struggling hard to achieve the objective can reduce both arousal and the chance in particular of the woman reaching orgasm.

The best way by far for a couple to overcome the difference in time between man and woman on the road to climax is for the man to stimulate the woman to orgasm first.

He can use either fingers or tongue to do this, but however he does it, he can give his partner a very satisfying and pleasurable orgasm.

The benefit of this approach to sex is that a woman is more receptive to intercourse after she has reached orgasm before it, partly because her vagina is swollen and well lubricated, and partly because she's emotionally receptive to her partner entering her.

It also avoids the difficulty that a man almost inevitably loses interest in sexual activity after he has ejaculated.

Nonetheless, if you're interested in the possibility of achieving simultaneous orgasm, it helps if you and your partner have a natural intimate understanding of each other's sexual signals and responses to stimulation: this means that each partner will know when the other needs more stimulation to to speed up their process to orgasm, or less stimulation to extend the period to orgasm.

It also helps if you have open communication which in this case really does mean talking to each other, telling each other what you need to slow down or to speed up.

It's important to communicate these things tactfully and delicately, particularly in the case of the woman who may feel irritated if the man doesn't seem to be stimulating her in the way that she requires to reach orgasm most easily.

The resolution phase of orgasm is what we know as the afterglow: a beautiful state where people feel connected and relaxed, where the hormones flying round the brain make them want to bond.

If the man needs to sleep, the woman should respect this need, but the man can satisfy her need for intimacy and connection after sex by giving her a cuddle before falling asleep perhaps in the spoons position.

It certainly true that woman does remain sexually excited after climax for much longer than a man, and she may want the lovemaking to continue, in which case the man should respect this.

It's not inevitable that the man needs to fall asleep after orgasm, and in fact if he does so every time a couple make love, it's quite likely that his partner will come to interpret what he's doing as a sign that he's not interested in her or doesn't care about her.

Men need to be very sensitive to the fact that sex for a woman is all about giving herself to him, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well; it can potentially be a much more significant act for woman than it is for a man.

But like all things, if you are having difficulty with this aspect of sex then the answer is communication.

The clitoral v vaginal debate

Orgasms were spoken of as being preponderantly vaginal or clitoral. Further study has proved that stimulation is most frequently initiated in the highly sensitive clitoris, spreading and radiating from there to the vagina.

The heretofore rigid demarcation between clitoral and vaginal orgasm has disappeared, one process merging into the other and the internal mechanism of reflexes, local and cerebral discharges and ensuing orgasm being the same.

This is not to say that the sensations themselves may not differ from time to time in each case giving pleasure, a characteristically sexual pleasure. 

Thus the woman has a potential range of permutations and variations in sexual pleasure which are not possible to the man; and that within each main group of genital stimulations, clitoral or vaginal, there are many possible semitones of pleasurable sensation.

Perfect and natural intercourse would give the woman a blend of both types of stimulation. Such a blend would involve supreme pleasure and probably very rapid orgasm. Technique is often difficult, however.

When the clitoris is set very high the woman must take an attitude which accentuates pelvic inclination, or both partners must adapt themselves.

The special contact may be made if the penis leaves the vagina completely and brushes and strokes the clitoris with the glans or tip of his penis. But there is the risk of missing the tiny target and breaking the current of sensation.

Finally there is the obvious method of combining vaginal friction by the penis with simultaneous clitoral friction by the finger. But in intercourse stimulation will generally be focused on and in the vagina.

For simultaneous orgasm or mutual orgasm the usual procedure is that the man's ejaculation begins and sets off the woman's orgasm. A harmonious and mutually adapted couple begin intercourse in a state of approximately equal sexual excitement.

From that moment the stimuli intensify and accumulate - owing to the characteristic thrusting movements - pretty much in unison, until the ultimate arousal threshold is crossed by the man, and he can no longer hold back his desire to ejaculate. At this point, his reflex of ejaculation begins, and his arousal pattern, and that of his partner begin to diverge.

From the moment that the accumulated stimuli release the mechanism of ejaculation - and thenceforth no effort of the will can stay it - and the seminal fluid is ejaculated, the man's sexual pleasure soars suddenly into the culmination of orgasm, while simultaneously his reflexes continue to produce powerful spasms which cannot be inhibited.

At the same time the combination of liquids forming the semen pours into the urethra from prostate and vasa deferentia until the supply is exhausted or the reflex at an end. The beginning of the male orgasm reflex - i.e. the impact of the first jet against the urethral walls - may give the signal for the orgasm and even intensify sexual excitement and the physicality of his orgasmic contractions.

But the real core of male orgasm and its summit occurs somewhat after its onset, when the motor-reflexes are in full force, and the stimuli the man receives are heightened by the responsive movements of the woman.

All too soom the force of the seminal jets suddenly drops, owing to the diminished supply of fluid. The reflex declines in force, and the ecstatic pleasure fades, slowly at first and then rapidly, till both are at an end.

Thus the normal orgasmic curve in the man is in the shape of a high and narrow arch, almost a peak, corresponding to the ejaculatory movements which consist, as a rule, or from five to seven muscular spasms, beginning powerfully, and then after a second or third intense movement, dying away, into a profoundly pleasant relaxation, unless new excitements supervene.

The erection subsides rather quickly, although for some time the penis may remain perceptibly larger than in its normal state. It depends very much on the individual, whether the penis is retained in the vagina for a while, or withdrawn immediately after ejaculation.

We may, however, observe that a needlessly abrupt conclusion of the act is to be avoided for the pleasure of all concerned!

The processes and sensations of the orgasm are much less easy to describe in the case of women than of men.

The physical mechanism is more complicated, and the processes have individual variations; so the woman's orgasm with all its bodily symptoms and emotional feelings may have been experienced several times before the man's ejaculation.

And sometimes, the man's ejaculation gives the signal for the woman's orgasm as well as his own. But this again may happen in two ways. The final reflex in the woman may receive its signal from her realization of the muscular contractions of the man's orgasm; or from the impact of his seminal fluid hitting her vaginal walls, or from the sheer excitement of knowing he is coming inside her.

But only women themselves can declare which stimulus promotes their own orgasm.

The women who decisively affirm that they only experience orgasm if and when they feel the impact of the seminal fluid are in a minority. Clearly, this is a crucial point for men who have premature ejaculation.

Without the stimulus of the jets of seminal fluid in the vagina at the right moment, a woman may not experience orgasm. So controlling premature ejaculation is crucial to some couples, if not all, who wish to experience simultaneous orgasm.

Continued here.


It is undeniable that there has been a sexual revolution in modern times and today's woman is freer than her mother or grandmother were to express her sexuality.

However, many women have reached the conclusion that the so-called sexual revolution is a sham because they have found that their freedom is not supposed extend to being able to choose not to express their sexuality. As one of the contributors to The Hite Report on female sexuality put it, the sexual revolution "was about male liberation, women being shared property instead of private property," and it "liberated a vast amount of masculine hostility and exploitation."

is a woman a sex object if she consensually engages in intercourseThe role of sexual object imposed upon women by culture, convention, and society, was objectionable. Sexual objectification is defined here.

As a result, women were saying that they would express their sexuality however and whenever they liked, and not at all if they chose not to, and that no man, not even a husband, had a right to cast them in a sexual role.

Tritely described "women's lib," this campaign became synonymous to many with such newsworthy items as bra burning and man-haters, women who despised men and claimed that women could get along very well without them, even in their sex lives.

The vaginal orgasm, these women said, was a myth that served the cause of male dominance: the only real female orgasm came from clitoral stimulation, for which no male member was necessary. Not that any men were available, for according to this publicity, they were all suffering from an epidemic of impotence and exhaustion, brought on by the awakened sexual voracity of their partners.

Exposed to these presentations and to the social pressures of the sexual revolution, especially the need to be seen actively participating, it is not surprising that many young women were, and remain, confused about their sexuality.

Also, the sex education they received at school or from their parents would probably have given them an understanding of their sexual anatomy and physiology to prepare them for menstruation and childbirth.Regrettably women do seem to be regarded as sexual objects by many men

It would not have dealt with sexuality or love itself, the emotional and psychological changes that accompany the process of sexual maturation, or the feelings involved in sexual experience.

Furthermore, the contradictory views of sexual pleasure for its own sake and sex as part of a loving relationship only make the confusion worse.

"Man's love," wrote Byron, "is of man's life, a thing apart; 'tis woman's whole existence." Many women dispute that idea.

The American journalist Marion Meade, for instance, in her book titled Bitching, quotes Byron and comments "They finally came up with a full-time occupation for us: loving. Not just loving any old body but loving one of them, clearly an example of the most blatant self-interest."

Probably for many women there is some truth in Byron's words. It is not only that a woman's roles as a mother and wife demand a continual giving of love, but also that many women cannot easily separate sex from love.

Sex for them is not a detached activity but requires total emotional involvement. Of course, the same is true for many men. But in a culture which still equates emotion with weakness, many would not admit it, even to themselves.

Generally speaking, the woman reaches her sexual peak in her late 30s, whereas the man reaches his in his teens, and this difference can cause some problems. Statistical studies show that the average age at which girls in Western societies have intercourse for the first time has significantly diminished in the last two decades. However, this does not necessarily imply that the age of reaching sexual maturity has done likewise.

It is probably broadly true to say that girls toy with sex before they understand it because they want love, whereas boys profess love before they understand it because they want sex. As the American sociologist Jessie Bernard has written:

"Most young women in their teens, although suffused with sexuality, are not driven by strong genital urges. If they had their way, most would not be compelled to seek genital sex relations. They want caresses, tenderness, sensual appreciation; they want the attention of men; but the relationships they want are playful, meaningful, but biologically superficial." Check out more on this here.

Many a young girl who has suffered from being called a "prick teaser" or accused being frigid or having unhealthy inhibitions about sex would surely be relieved to hear such words. The sexual revolution changed many prevailing attitudes to sex but it's doubtful that it has brought about change in female sexuality itself.

If grandmother had problems with repressing her urges, today's young woman sometimes has the problem of being expected to show manifest urges that she does not feel, or adopt so-called sexually liberated attitudes that she finds in conflict with her natural feelings.

But at least these are problems that she can find help with today, for one of the benefits to emerge from the sex revolution is that information on the formerly taboo subject of female sexuality, as distinct from the process of reproduction, is now readily accessible.

There are many groups for women of all ages to discuss their problems and obtain advice and support, too.


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Updated January 10, 2021


Updated: January 10 2019