Tips and Tricks To Help Her Orgasm


The variations of orgasm

So, as we now know, orgasm isn't just a physical experience in the body. Orgasm, especially female orgasm, is actually an experience that encompasses the whole of the human being: spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

Through orgasm we can see what it means to be most fully human, achieving a gateway into our love, our emotional make-up, and our spirituality.

And of course it's untrue to suggest that every orgasm is an immensely powerful spiritual experience! Indeed, orgasms vary enormously, and perhaps one in ten will leave you feeling as though the earth moved.

On some occasions, climax for the woman, and climax and ejaculation for the man, will feel like a few seconds of gentle release, with perhaps minimal physical sensation.

We all know that the intensity of orgasm depends on your mood, your level of tiredness, your level of stress, the arousal that you experience, how long it is since you previously had sex, and the state of your relationship...

Among many other factors! So it's important not to allow yourself to feel disappointed or letdown if orgasm doesn't live up to your experience, but simply to accept this as variability of human experience.

woman reaching orgasm during lovemakingFurthermore, it's a mistake to let orgasm become the be all and end all of your relationship and your sexual interaction. If you set orgasmic release as the goal of sexual intercourse, this can create tension in both body and mind, and distract you from the joy of interaction with your partner.

Don't forget that we are sensual beings in the full sense of that word, so that sex doesn't always have to result in climax: it can be about physical interaction, gentle touch and caressing, and even something as subtle as eye gazing.

Even the physical mechanics of sex, such as using the best and most unusual sexual positions during lovemaking, can be fun and satisfying in their own right.

Orgasmic variation

It's not even necessary to have full intercourse with complete male-female union to achieve orgasm.

Think of the options that are open to you if you want sexual release -- masturbation, mutual masturbation, oral sex, frottage, and sexual embraces are all possible without penetration.

These alternative forms of sex may be particularly helpful for men who have delayed ejaculation, because they take off some of the pressure to ejaculate inside a partner's vagina. (That's often a block for men with delayed ejaculation.)

And for men who are concerned that they may have erectile dysfunction, non-penetrative intercourse can be hugely pleasurable and very freeing, in the sense that a man doesn't have to be concerned that he has to sustain his erection for the moment of penetration and the subsequent thrusting.

Equally, a man who suffers from premature ejaculation doesn't have to worry that he will come to soon since stimulation will be much less intense during non-penetrative sexual pleasuring.

Distinguishing between the various types of premature ejaculation helps to separate men with sexual dysfunction from those who mistakenly perceive that their performance is inadequate when in fact they have a normal sexual response.

For the record, the average time to the point of ejaculation is 5 minutes - but be careful in assessing yourself against this standard because this is an average time.

For every average there are 50% of men who ejaculate faster, and 50% who ejaculate slower. If you're interested in normality, well, less than two minutes is considered "premature" and over 12 minutes is generally thought to constitute a case of delayed ejaculation.

And of course there is another viewpoint..... which is roughly this: you are only "suffering" from premature ejaculation if you come faster than you want. And you only have "delayed" ejaculation if you can't come when you want. Not that this viewpoint invalidates your need for a cure or treatment or some remedy, in either case.

What Can You Do About Ejaculation "Problems"?

Masturbation can be an excellent way for men who have problems with ejaculatory delays (too fast or too slow) to explore their bodies and become aware of their sexual energy and potential. That way they can become more comfortable about achieving orgasm with a partner in a time which suits both them and their partner.

Pleasuring yourself to climax is a good way to learn about your body and find out exactly what sexual stimulation you need to be able to reach orgasm. You can then explain this information to your partner so that pleasure becomes a mutual experience instead of a solo experience.couple making love

And even though it's rarely talked about, some men may prefer not to ejaculate into their partners' vaginas. Unusual? No. Sometimes a man has a craving for a more relaxed and sensual form of sexual interaction with his partner - something which doesn't involve penetration.

It's important for a woman to respect this, and no matter how much she  wants penetration, to be sensitive to her man's desire to do things differently.

Anxiety about the quantity and quality of the sexual activity in their lives preoccupy some people.

The idea has been put about that sex is not only something that human beings naturally do, but a thing that some do well and others do badly, that some have to learn and others have a particular aptitude for.

A Time magazine cartoon once showed a boy saying to a girl, "To tell the truth, I wish I'd been born back before sex." One could be forgiven for getting the impression that sex was invented in the 60s, 70s, 80s or 90s, according to your age.

Suddenly it was being presented by all aspects of the media in very decade, at every possible opportunity, and we were all exhorted to focus all our energies on our sexuality, sexual experience, sexual relationships, and sex. Little else appeared to matter.

A number of the women who contributed their views to The Hite Report stated that the sexual revolution had resulted in an overemphasis of the importance of sex which could be oppressive in the life of the individual.

"I'm getting sick to death of sexuality," said one woman, everywhere sex, sex, sex! So what? Sex is not the end all and be all of life. It's very nice but it's not everything."

Another said: "In a way I'd almost like to have back the hush-hush good old days when you just didn't talk about sex. It would not be hidden because it was dirty, but because it was a sweet, private thing."

Shere Hite remarked that the idea that sex is necessary for health has become a commercial enterprise and that the way the idea is pushed by advertisers, psychiatrists, sex counselors, and the media makes some women feel anxious. One of her interviewees said: "If I go long without sex, my desires drop ridiculously, which worries me. I start to wonder if something is 'wrong' with me, which makes me feel obligated to have sex.

I usually think, 'Wow, it's been a long time since I've had it and I guess I ought to!'" And a woman who had been involved in a very fulfilling sexual relationship confessed that the myth that frequent and fantastic sex was essential to health even affected her: "I think that sex in my life has assumed a correct proportion, that is an expression of love between us; yet, I still feel hung up about the myth sometimes - maybe having sex is less important to me than to others."

This led to the belief in "sexpertise", and some people began to worry that they were sexual underachievers.

Men were - and are - particularly prone to such worries, for despite female liberation many still consider it their duty to initiate sexual activity and to pass on their experience to their partners.

Anxiety runs particularly high among those men for whom a string of sexual conquests marks their most important achievement in life. Women, too, feel obliged to produce orgasms on demand, or else they will be deemed frigid.

The result of the anxiety about sexpertise is an obsession with technique, the mastery of which brings little reward unless one is going to take sex up as a profession.

Many who consider themselves expert lovers leave their partners cold because they are too preoccupied with sexual performance as distinct from sex with intimacy and commitment. If the concept of sexual freedom is to have any meaning it has to include, as well as the freedom to love and enjoy sex, the freedom not to love and the freedom not to have or enjoy sex, without feeling guilty or inadequate on account of it.

It has been said that modern man has been so preoccupied with sex because it is the last area of freedom in an industrialized society.

But is it an area of freedom? There is no freedom where there is compulsion, and as Alexander Lowen has remarked "Today one can readily discern a compulsive attitude in work, play, and sex."

The compulsion is closely linked to the compulsion of consumerism, which all modern youth acquire from the pervasive influence of the media, and which very few repudiate.

But, to quote Lowen again, if the sexual function is reduced to a technique, and "if this last great mystery of life is translated into a formula, man will become an automaton, completely dominated by his ego and stripped of all passion and lust."

People should not feel themselves compelled to engage in or to enjoy sex in any prescribed way or with any particular frequency: that is true sexual freedom.

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Updated: January 10 2021