Making Love and Achieving Orgasm During Sex


 

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 What Is The Female Orgasm? (And Why Some Women Can't Orgasm During Sex)

The American sex researchers Masters and Johnson were the first to distinguish four phases of sexual response, changes which affect all women both emotionally and physically. These are the arousal or excitement phase, the plateau phase, orgasm, and resolution.

capture his heartThe first physical sign of sexual response in a woman is that the vagina secretes a lubricating fluid. This secretion can occur involuntarily and without any particular emotional stimulus, and like a man's inopportune erections it can be embarrassing.

 Generally it is a sign that she is physiologically ready for sex; only if she is emotionally willing to continue making love does it actually mark the start of a series of further physical changes.

During arousal an important change also occurs in the clitoris - it becomes erect and swollen. Masters and Johnson observed that direct touching of the clitoris is not necessary to stimulate it.

Like the penis, the clitoris is responsive to psychological stimuli, even to an erotic train of thought. It can also be excited by kissing or caressing the breasts, back, or neck. The breasts themselves enlarge, the muscles tighten, and the nipples become erect.

Toward the end of the excitement phase the outer lips of the vagina open up and are displaced upward toward the clitoris; the inner lips also swell during this phase.

In the vagina the blood vessels become engorged and the walls swell, while lubricating fluid is secreted. But it is not just the sexual organs that respond - the whole body of the woman takes part in a gradual process of sexual stimulation. Her body muscles become tense, her pulse speeds up, and her blood pressure rises.

Often a "sex flush" spreads up over her abdomen to her breasts.

In what Masters and Johnson call the plateau phase - the brief period before her actual climax - breathing and pulse rate become faster, the blood pressure rises even more and the vaginal walls fill with blood and swell so that the outer part of passage closes tightly on the penis.

At this stage the clitoris becomes hypersensitive and further stimulation is not desirable - in fact it can cause pain or discomfort. The vaginal lips change color, becoming scarlet or wine-red.

The woman's senses tend to blank out so that she may be unaware of noise or pain. As her physical and mental tensions crescendo she enters the third stage of sexual response - the orgasm.

In their laboratory studies Masters and Johnson noted that the most important feature in the orgasmic pattern is a series of muscular contractions of the orgasmic "platform" - the engorged tissues surrounding the outer part of the vagina. The first contractions occur at intervals of four-fifths of a second.

They then become longer and their intensity gradually begins to fade. In a mild orgasm only three to five contractions occur, whereas if the orgasm is intense there may be between eight and 12 contractions. In a particularly intense orgasm 25 contractions were recorded over 43 seconds.

The beginning of orgasm occurs at the same time as an initial spasm of the "platform," followed by a rhythmical series of true contractions over a period of a few seconds.

Together with these contractions, the womb also contracts rhythmically, the spasms beginning at the upper end and moving in waves down to the cervix. These orgasmic contractions are similar to, but not as strong as, those which take place during childbirth; the more intense the orgasm, the more powerful they are.

Other muscles, such as those around the anus, also contract. Powerful contractions can also take place in the arms, thighs, back, and pelvis. The hands and feet often clench.

Women are generally unaware of these muscular contractions during orgasm and afterward may experience the types of aches and pains that follow vigorous exercise. The female orgasm is the shortest of the four phases.

The "resolution" phase follows immediately, starting with the relaxation of muscle tension throughout the body, and he release of blood from the engorged vessels.

First the swollen areola surrounding the nipples return to normal size. The sexual flush disappears and instead the woman may perspire. Within 5 to 10 seconds the clitoris returns to its normal position above the pubic bone, but it takes about 10 minutes for it to return to normal size.

The orgasmic "platform" relaxes. The "ballooning" of the vagina decreases, the uterus begins to shrink, and the cervix returns to its normal position.

Pulse and breathing rates slow down and blood pressure drops to normal. This series of changes can take up to half an hour before a woman is completely restored to an unstimulated condition.

The release of tension brings a feeling of peace and contentment (especially if a woman's lover continues to be tender, instead of just turning over and going to sleep, or getting up briskly and attending to other matters!). However, there is no rule which decrees that lovemaking must be terminated at this stage. If the woman is willing, she can be re-excited to enjoy further orgasms during lovemaking.

Women's Orgasm & Female Sexuality

The acknowledgement of the female orgasm was one of the most important aspects of the sexual revolution of the 1970s. It used to be widely believed that the majority of women accepted sex as a necessary evil in their roles of dutiful wives and mothers. Only a certain number were thought to have actually enjoyed it.

The changes in attitude affected both sexes. Women were freed to make love without feeling guilty or sinful. Many went further and demanded orgasm during sex as a right - the natural consequence of an event in which they had participated on equal terms. For men the emphasis in sexual intercourse shifted.

 They were expected to provide sexual fulfillment as well as obtain it for themselves. They were also relieved of the guilt of imposing a supposedly unpleasant task on their loved one. Many discovered that the giving of sexual pleasure gratifies the provider as well as the receiver.

Orgasm in men is of course essential to procreation, as climax brings about the release of sperm. In women this is not so. Her ovaries are not involved in the climactic response and achieving an orgasm has no effect on her fertility at the point of union. It was once believed that during orgasm the vagina sucked up the sperm, and increased the chances of conception, but this has since been disproved.

In all studies and reports of the findings of sexologists, the majority of women say that there are different kinds of orgasm, and that orgasms can vary both in intensity and duration from a superficial pleasurable spasm lasting a few seconds to a deep intense series of spasms leading to a peak of the ultimate pleasure that the human body is capable of.

These variations may depend on many factors such as time, place, and atmosphere. There are also powerful emotional and psychological influences.

A woman can achieve orgasm during sex in a number of ways.

  • If she is in a state of aroused desire a passionate kiss from her lover can produce an orgasm.
  • Some women are said to be able to achieve orgasm by fantasizing alone. Kinsey found that 2 percent of his subjects reported this, but Masters and Johnson did not record one single case.
  • Kinsey also found that about 8 percent of his subjects had experienced nocturnal dream orgasms.
  • Breast stimulation can produce orgasm in some women. Certainly, during pregnancy, the breasts develop a new sensitivity which may continue to provide erotic pleasure during nursing.
  • A woman can reach orgasm by masturbation - i.e. by touching her clitoris, vulva, or vagina, or having someone else touch them.
  • Oral sex is a reliable route by which men may give a woman an orgasm.
  • Frottage -- rubbing the body against other objects or people - "sometimes known as dry humping" can be a route to orgasm.
  • She may sometimes achieve orgasm in sexual intercourse with a man's penis inside her vagina, though this is rather uncommon. This may be easier if her partner knows how to control premature ejaculation.
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But unless the love element is present and an intense physical experience is combined with the satisfaction of emotional fulfillment, it would appear that women are able to have much more pronounced orgasms by masturbating. Kinsey found that only 37 percent of women, as compared with 68 percent of men, had experienced their first orgasm through masturbation.

The other main sources were nocturnal dreams (5 percent; in males 13 percent), petting (18 percent in males 5 percent), and intercourse (30 percent; in males 11 percent).

The higher percentage of females who experienced their first orgasm through intercourse is a factor that correlates with the fact that females are generally older than males when they have their first orgasm. Kinsey found that in the early adolescent years, when 95 percent of boys were having two or three orgasms a week only 22 percent of girls had experienced orgasm.

In the late teens, 99 percent of males but only 53 percent of females were having orgasms. And whereas all the men in the Kinsey study had experienced orgasm by the time they married, there were some 36 percent of women who had not. Nine percent of the Kinsey sample had not experienced orgasm by the age of 35, and probably would never do so, although many of these experienced erotic arousal.

Some of the unfortunate 9 percent were married women who had had intercourse regularly. Among other married women success in achieving orgasm in marital sex correlated with their premarital experience: those who had had premarital experience, whether through masturbation, petting, or intercourse, were more successful in reaching orgasm with their husbands.

And the longer a woman was married, the better her chances became of experiencing orgasm. In the first year of marriage, Kinsey found, 63 percent of intercourse resulted in orgasm, whereas by the 20th year 85 percent did.

Today, there is still little data about the average age of first orgasm in girls and women. However, what is unquestionable is that it is later on average than it is in boys despite the wide variability between individuals. (See here for exhaustive information on the subject.) The average age for girls has been quoted as 18 - which is remarkable, if true, considering we are supposed to be living in a sexually liberated age! The matter remains open.

These are some of the statistics that sexology has established about the female orgasm. Let us now consider the facts in the controversial debate about the clitoral orgasm versus the vaginal orgasm.

Clitoral orgasm versus the vaginal orgasm

It was Freud who first drew the distinction between the clitoral and the vaginal orgasm. He maintained that the clitoris was the organ of female sexual pleasure in the years of immaturity, and that maturity in woman consisted in a shift in primary sexuality from the clitoris to the vagina.

Clitoral satisfaction was regarded by Freud and his followers as basically masculine sexuality, the clitoris being considered a substitute penis. They maintained that it was only through the experience of vaginal orgasm that a female reached a peak of sexual satisfaction.

woman enjoying orgasm

The trouble with these views was that they deprecated a type of sexual experience that the majority of women enjoyed, and also caused anxiety for many women.

Kinsey wrote that his research team knew of thousands of women who had "been much disturbed by their failure to accomplish the biologic impossibility" of transforming "clitoral responses" into "vaginal responses."

He pointed out that most of a woman's body is involved in the experience of orgasm, and that many women have extensive spasms or convulsions throughout their bodies, including intense vaginal contractions, in orgasm.

"No question of maturity' seems to be involved," he wrote, "and there is no evidence that the vagina responds in orgasm as a separate organ and apart from the total body."

From the findings of both Masters and Johnson and The Hite Report it would seem that the majority of women who experience orgasm speak of clitoral stimulation. In The Hite Report 87 percent of the women who said they like vaginal penetrations almost always gave the reason that it was a marvelous way to express love and create a feeling of intimacy and closeness with their loved one.

It would appear that only a minority of women experience vaginal orgasm. By contrast, a man's pleasure is not usually dependent on finding the best sex positions for orgasm.

Women who were able to experience both a clitoral and a vaginal orgasm said that there is little comparison between the two and that the clitoral orgasm alone is not a fully satisfactory experience.

In his book Love and Orgasm (1976), the Reichian psychoanalyst Alexander Lowen quoted remarks made by several patients who we able to describe the difference. Here are two examples:

"The clitoral orgasm is felt on the surface of the vagina like a trickle of sweet pleasure. There is no satisfying release. The vaginal orgasm is like the opening of a dam which floods my body with pleasure and leaves me with a feeling of deep release and satisfaction. There is no comparison. The next day after a clitoral orgasm, I may still be tense. After the other, I wake up in peace, relaxed."

"The vaginal orgasm experience, fills me with a sense of completeness, of satisfaction. I have a feeling being full - filled up. The clitoral orgasm is more high level in excitement but leaves me with no after-effect of completion. I could have one clitoral orgasm right after another."

These testimonials support the idea, that there is a distinct difference between the clitoral and vaginal orgasm. The clitoris may be the more sensitive area, but to claim that the clitoral orgasm is the only type of sexual satisfaction of which a woman capable is to take a rather mechanical view of sex. It implies that orgasm proceeds from tactile stimulation, and ignores the fact that the sexual act is fundamentally expression of feelings and emotions.

We consider that Lowen came nearest to stating the truth about this controversial matter when he wrote: "The vaginal orgasm differs from the clitoral orgasm in that it is a total body response of love. It is, therefore, relatively independent of any single part the body, either the clitoris or the vagina but it is dependent on the total body feeling of contact, intimacy, and fusion with another person."

This is probably not to far from the truth....and certainly those women, like Deborah Sundahl, who regard it as essential to propagate the truth that women have much greater orgasmic capacity than generally realized would support the view of the "whole body orgasm".

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Updated: June 3 2016