Should sexual intercourse between lovers result in simultaneous orgasm?

And Other Questions!


The fact that the woman's vaginal muscular contractions at orgasm occur at the same intervals as do the man's genital contractions suggests that simultaneous orgasm is nature's supreme reward for successful sexual performance, but in fact these synchronous contractions may be meant primarily to help the sperm along their way to the womb.

In other words, physiologically the simultaneous orgasm serves a reproductive function as distinct from a sexual function. And anyway, few men really know how to make a woman achieve orgasm, but this skill can be developed.

Psychologically it may enhance a couple's sense of union if they reach orgasm together, but on the other hand there is much to be said for the non-synchronous occurrence of orgasm. Provided that the interval is not too long, the joys of giving and of receiving the consummation of love can be enjoyed as two distinct experiences.

Certainly, success in making love does not depend on the achievement of simultaneous orgasm, and failure to achieve it does not signify any inadequacy in either partner or in their relationship.

Do people have the best chance of a lasting sexual relationship if they are basically similar or if they are basically opposite?

The reason heterosexual couples are supposed to remain erotically interested in each other longer and more intensely than homosexual couples has been assumed to have something to do with the attraction of opposites.

Profound sexual gratification proceeds from the release of built-up tensions, and it is a fundamental principle of life that tensions build up through the interaction of opposites.

This of course is why premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation are such dysfunctional problems for a man and a woman. The quick ejaculation breaks the flow of sex and leaves the woman feeling the disruption of broken contact. The slow ejaculation (about which you can read more here) is dissatisfying to both partners and leaves both man and woman unfulfilled.

Couples who interact strongly, and who remain independent and unpredictable individuals, are more somewhat likely to build up a sexual charge repeatedly over a period of time than couples who are basically similar.

But on the other hand, relationships do not usually endure on the strength of the sexual bond alone, and a basis of rapport and shared interests and values is generally a precondition of lasting sexual attraction.

Does sexual desire vary at different times of the month?

Yes, it does, in men as well as women, although of course women have in the menstrual cycle a clear point of reference for their monthly variations in sexual feeling. No pattern is constant for everyone, however.

 Many women find that their sexual desire is intensified just before, during, or just after a period. In others, premenstrual tension may lessen sexual desire. Some women are more sexually responsive in the middle of their cycles, particularly at the time of ovulation.

It's possible men have a similar cycle and also experience fluctuations in desire - I'd be interested to know if that explains why some men suffer from delayed ejaculation. You can get the relevant info here. My guess is probably this ejaculatory retardation is not related to hormonal cycles, though it may be caused by low testosterone.

Men are not usually aware of any periodicity in their sexual feelings and most are susceptible to arousal at any time, but modern studies of biorhythms have revealed that men have a 23-day physical energy cycle and a 28-day emotional cycle, and both of these effect their sexual feelings and readiness for arousal at any particular time. In long-term relationships the biological rhythms of a couple come to interact and mesh.

Can a man tell if a woman has had an orgasm?

There is no female sign of orgasm so obvious as the rapid detumescence of the man's erection, but there are other signs such as deep, rapid breathing and muscular spasms throughout the body (especially involuntary rhythmic contraction of the anus), so that when a woman has a strong orgasm the man may know. But not all orgasms are so intense as to produce these signs, and a woman may experience orgasmic satisfaction without giving any clear demonstration of the fact.

Sometimes women pretend orgasm or pretend that their feelings are more intense than they actually are, and these pretenses are difficult for a man to detect.

Some non-orgasmic women pretend for years without their partners or lovers ever suspecting, and although they probably consider that they do this for the best of reasons, in fact they may be doing irreparable damage to the relationship by subordinating their own need for a sexual outlet.

lf a woman often experiences orgasm, her man may possibly know when she does not by the feeling of unresolved tension and restlessness in her body, and if he is no longer able to complete the process for her with his penis, he can still do so manually or orally.

It is usually obvious when a man has had an orgasm, but some men who have delayed ejaculation may feel the need to feign orgasm and ejaculation.

The best way to deal with such a situation is to find a good delayed ejaculation cure that works and to encompass intimacy and openness into the sexual relationship.


What differences between male and female sexual response should a man be aware of when making love?

He should be aware that, generally speaking, a woman's sexual arousal builds up more slowly than a man's. He should be aware, too, that all of a woman's body is responsive to stimulation, and that general body caresses should precede genital touching.

He should also bear in mind that any break in the process of arousal, any interruptions that may occur, can mitigate the effect of the stimulation achieved up to that point.

He should further remember that sex has a dual purpose - reproduction and pleasure - and that while penis - vaginal penetration is essential to reproduction, it is only one mode of pleasuring and should not be engaged in to the neglect of others.

Continued here: Relationships, Sex and Love

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